Complete
Drama
Spoilers for Children of the Gods
Season 1
Disclaimers:
Stargate
Sg-1 and its characters are the property of Stargate (II) Productions,
Showtime/Viacom, The SciFi Channel, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. This
story is written purely for my own entertainment, and that of anyone else who
may happen to read it. No infringement of copyright is intended. It is not
intended and should never be used for commercial purposes.
The original characters,
situations and ideas contained within this work are the property of the author.
Author's Notes:
So I was wondering: Why was Sam so wound up in Children of the Gods?
Acknowledgements:
Another fine job of betaing from the ever-wonderful Sho.
The Prophet, February 26th 2004
Almost as soon as the locker room switched over, Sam was under the shower, trying to rinse away the memories of an aggressively bad few days with hot water and soap. She had almost succeeded and if she could have made it out of the base without running into anyone she might have managed to forget the whole thing. Unfortunately, she was still three corridors from the lift when she saw Dr Jackson approaching her.
Suddenly, all the pressure came rushing back. She turned quickly and headed the other way, but despite the fact that he had his head down, studying a book he had obviously spotted her.
"Doctor...Captain Carter!" He called, jogging after her.
"Doctor Jackson," she replied, coolly.
"I just went by the lab," Jackson said. "I thought you might be there."
"No. I'm heading home for the night," she explained. "Or the day rather; I've kind of lost track of time."
Jackson laughed, uncomfortably. "Tell me about it; I've been living on a thirty-six hour clock for the past year. Just dealing with Earth-time would throw me, without jumping from planet to planet and getting hit on the head."
Sam forced a smile. "Yes, I'm sorry," she said, brightly. "My problems are pretty slim compared to yours."
Jackson's face fell, taking on precisely the expression her brother Mark had worn when she'd been forced to break the news to him that his dog had died. "I didn't mean to suggest..." He began.
"I...I know you didn't," she replied, guiltily. "I'm sorry abut Sha're," she added and immediately knew it was a mistake. It was her tone when she said it; it was off and she knew it before she spoke, but she could not help herself.
"What do you mean by that?" Jackson asked, wary but riled.
"Nothing," Sam demurred.
"No, really; what was that?"
Sam looked into Jackson's eyes, and she could not hold it in anymore. She was just too damn mad, and she needed to blow up at someone. "I just figure if you can't find her you can always go back and ask the elders of Abydos for another one." She turned on her heel, not waiting for the inevitable angry retort; God knew she had just earned it, but she was not in the mood to listen to it.
She quickened her pace when she heard Jackson following, and ducked into the empty locker room, which was still women's country for another hour. Jackson did not seem to care.
"Is that what's been bothering you?" He asked. "You were brooding all through the debriefing, then you disappeared without a word."
"I thought it would be easier if I just got out the way before you all headed off for a celebratory beer; spare you the embarrassment of pretending you wanted me along."
"Yeah, well; none of us really felt like celebrating," Jackson said. "Kawalsky's in the infirmary with his wounded, and Jack's gone home to skulk. I know how he feels, losing Skarra like that. The kid was important to him; he was important to me too, being my brother-in-law and all, but for Jack it was like...Well, it was different," he finished awkwardly, as though there were a secret he did not feel able to share.
Figures, Sam thought to herself. Men always have to have their secrets.
"As for Sha're; I never got a chance to answer you on Chulak, but as it happens I didn't accept Sha're when she was offered to me as a gift. She was so scared of me," he mused, sadly. "She thought I was a Goa'uld at the time, or at least an emissary of Ra, and that I'd punish her people if she didn't please me. Of course I refused her.
"But something happened. When I tried to show her writing, to...communicate with her. She took me to an old temple and showed me the ancient writings of Abydos. We learned to speak to each other. I think that was when I fell in love with her. It was later, after she'd led her people to rescue me from Ra, that I realised she felt the same way. She was willing to risk anything for me, even though she thought I didn't want her at all." He gave a laugh that was filled with pain. "She wasn't my possession, Captain," he said. "She was...my world."
Sam hung her head. "I'm sorry," she said, weakly. "I know it's not much, but...I'm going to leave now."
"No," Jackson said. "Stay a moment. I... Jack's taken off and I don't really feel like sitting around on my own and moping right now, so if you want to talk about what's really eating at you, please go ahead."
"It's nothing," she assured him. "Really."
"I'm not convinced," Jackson told her, candidly, his anger apparently completely gone.
"It's just...this is my project, damnit!" She swore. "There were seven people who made the Stargate happen, Dr Jackson, not including yourself. General West wouldn't even consider any of us for the team; he said scientists had no place on a military expedition, and then he sent you. What he really meant was that women had no place on a military expedition; he just couldn't say it out loud. Three of my team - in addition to myself - were women; all Air Force, all well-trained. We were all better qualified than you to go, and we all had more right to go."
"And you thought you'd blame me for this?" Jackson asked.
"I don't blame you," Sam assured him. "But you're part of it. You're a part of this stupid boys' club that I've never been able to break into. You and the Colonel and Major Kawalsky were all a part of that first mission. You were the first modern humans to set foot on another planet and you have a bond that I can't ever break into. But more than that...Dr Jackson, space is my dream," she said. "I was riding - slowly - up the shuttle crew waiting list when the Challenger disaster put the programme on hold and stuck a gravestone on what I thought was humanity's great endeavour.
"The Stargate was my chance to get that endeavour back on track. I wanted to put the human race out among the stars, and I wanted to go there. I..." She shook her head. "I don't know if you'd understand."
"Of course I do," Jackson replied. "This wasn't just an academic problem to you. You weren't doing this to see if you could, you were doing this to open the door; and you wanted to walk through it. I know exactly what you felt, because I felt it when - in the space of an afternoon - I learned that this incredible opportunity existed, and we were going to walk away from it on the basis that they couldn't say for sure that we'd be able to get home."
"And who'd let a little thing like that stop them?" Sam asked with a laugh. "Holy Hannah, Doctor Jackson; you're crazier than I am."
"I just work harder at it," Jackson replied. "Look," he added. "I know Jack doesn't seem to have a lot of time for you, but to be honest he doesn't have a lot of time for most people, including me."
Sam laughed, dubiously. "Well, it's sweet of you to say it, but I don't think that's true."
"I get about as much slack as anyone; but that's not much. Give him time. He'll come around. I mean, you should have seen the crap he gave me on that first mission. Of course, that might be because of my...exaggerating my ability to get us home."
"I read about that," Sam said. "Ferretti's mission report was especially...colourful."
"Well then? You think they make you pay for not being a man? What makes you think they're any more willing to accept a civilian? I'm not part of the boy's club, Doctor. I don't drink with them; I'm not one of them. And honest to God, neither is Jack."
"He's a Colonel, Dr Jackson," Sam said. "He's a part of the establishment."
"Maybe once," Jackson agreed. "But things happen. When we were on Abydos, Jack set the timer on the bomb he'd brought through but we needed more time. Sha're was...she was killed. I tried to get her to Ra's sarcophagus and Jack had to fight Ra's First Prime. By the time we were done Ra was leaving. Jack tried to deactivate the bomb but he..." Jackson shrugged, helplessly. "He couldn't."
Sam nodded. "Ra had rigged it," she said. "I told you, I read the reports."
Jackson shook his head. "Ra hadn't touched the timer. Jack pulled the control circuit to try and deactivate the timer. It was left behind when we sent the bomb to Ra's pyramid ship so Jack got a chance to take a good look at it. The rigging was done before we left Earth."
"What?"
"Neither of us is an electrician," he admitted, "but it...looked as thought General West didn't much care for the idea of his suicidal contingency man finding a newfound love of life. I'm not saying it excuses anything, but I though it might help you understand why Jack would want to put his own team together instead of taking anyone assigned to the patrol by his CO; the way he was assigned by West."
"Well it does put a new complexion on it," Sam admitted.
"But General Hammond seems...well, a lot like General West when he's dealing with me, but not with you and Jack. If you do good work, Jack will respect that," he promised her. "You'll see."
"Maybe I will."
"So long as you don't get in his face about him being out to...to keep a sister down or whatever."
Sam laughed. "Well, thank you, Dr Jackson," she said. "It helps to know at least one person's on my side."
"My pleasure, Dr Carter. Or Captain."
"Whichever," she replied. "Or...how about Sam?"
Jackson seesawed his hand. "Maybe in a few weeks," he allowed. "Maybe it's being in this base but I suddenly feel weird using first names. Everyone's just a surname to me: Kawalsky, Ferretti..."
"Except the Colonel?"
"Except Jack," he agreed.
"I really have to go," Sam said. "I need sleep."
"Sure," Jackson agreed. "Sleep would be a good idea."
They shared an elevator until they reached the dormitory level.
"See you tomorrow, Dr Jackson," Sam said.
Jackson gave a brief nod. "Goodnight," he replied. He walked off towards his minimalist quarters.
The doors began to close on the hunched, tired figure of the archaeologist. At the last moment, Sam put out a hand for the door button and ran after him. "Daniel!" She called.
"Captain Carter?"
"I was in a relationship for a while. Pretty serious and it ended badly. I haven't seen him since but...about the same time I got word that I was to fly here to talk about reopening the Stargate Programme I heard from a friend that he was on the list to be assigned to reconnaissance duty if the project were reactivated. What with one thing and another, I didn't fly down here in the best of moods."
"I can understand that," Jackson assured her. "And you had plenty to be upset about."
"So; no hard feelings?"
"For what?" Jackson asked, genuinely unsure.
"Never mind," Sam said, with a smile. "Never mind."